This is kind of a troll review, don’t take it too serious, right? I’ve already covered Lou Kelly for the album Junk City, the depiction of an imaginary American town ruled by criminality through the music of a club orchestra made by a one-man-band. Back in 2017, the good Lou asked some friends for non-existing styles of music and he decided to go that direction and record some audio examples, a sort of fan-fiction regarding music genres and not pop culture references. So here it is, Lou Kelly (p)resents…Genres that don’t exist!
From the very beginning, you instantly get the mood of the entire record: the first track is an acapella growling choir spelling sweet words of love. It’s the barbershop-fashion style of The Platters, isn’t it? The second one is a mixture of violins, black-metal, stop-and-goes, and electronic breakdowns, a song to fight your enemies and so it’s Doomstep, hitting like the punches of a giant. Gangsta Grind N’ gospel and Gnome Metal makes you laugh a lot and Meow Metal too, and some extra points for having put the lyrics of the latter one, I would have never understood the content without them […]! Jazzstep is surely closer to the usual stuff of Lou if you accept the dubstep breaking the rules of a jazz band, and also Jazz Punk is a sort of statement of his own music because blending the politeness of jazz to the dirt of punk is a sort of lifetime achievement for him. I’ll imagine Muzak/Lounge Deathmetal in every sexy scene of an eighties movie. Polkacore speaks by the title itself, while we touch Radiohead vibes with Post-Neuroplasticity (anybody remembers Fitter Happier?). Maybe for the extreme speediness and lo-fi tone, I find Unicorn Death Metal and Power Puff Violence perfect soundtracks for fast-paced platform games. Vegetarian Rap jokes around being a vegetarian for trends and not for the moral question but anyway, don’t take it too much seriously, please, there’s way too much rant on the Internet in order to satisfy biased personalities, take the song for what it is, a joke. In Zouk Metal I see the next reggaeton hit for the summer, I swear, but maybe it’s better to shut up at this point like Lou does in the last track Mime, that’s just twenty seconds straight of silence, the right time to realize you’ve just lost 12 minutes of your life that no one has the power to hold it back. A waste of time? Probably, but at least you had a good laugh.
Listened to and written for you by Music Pills
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